Grief and Bereavement Services

A field of yellow flowers with the sun shining through them

At Scripps, we offer our condolences and encourage you to get the resources you need to continue on your journey through grief. Our professional team of nurses, social workers, chaplains and volunteers are here to work together to support you through your process of grief and loss. Download Where to Turn After Losing a Loved One (PDF, 2 MB) — this brochure has helpful information including selecting a mortuary or crematory, planning a memorial service and supportive resources. 

Featured resources

Spiritual care - Scripps hospitals in San Diego provide non-denominational spiritual care and emotional support for patients, families and staff. Our chaplains are respectful of diverse spiritual beliefs, religious convictions and cultural practices. 


Advance directives - Plan ahead and designate who you would like to speak on your behalf and the types of treatments you prefer. 

Ways to remember a loved one

  • Light a candle in the individual’s memory. (Do not leave lit candles unattended.)
  • Create a memory book of photos.
  • Make a gift of money or time to their favorite cause or charity.
  • Wear a commemorative photo of the person.
  • Start a scholarship in their name.
  • Collect a book of family stories about your loved one.
  • Hang special ornaments during the holiday season.
  • Make a collection of their favorite music and, if possible, write stories that go with the music.
  • At appropriate times, provide flowers to their church, synagogue, mosque, temple or workplace.
  • Gather family and friends to honor the individual on the anniversary of their death.
  • Take turns reading their favorite stories aloud.
  • Plant a tree in a park or memorial garden.

Planning a memorial service

Why have a memorial service?

  • To honor the memory of your loved one
  • To recognize that one’s life has been touched by another
  • To take comfort from family and friends
  • To give each person the opportunity to celebrate the value and meaning of your loved one’s life

Where to hold the memorial service?

  • A formal service is often held at a church, temple or mosque
  • Other options include a mortuary chapel, the graveside or a virtual service
  • A service may be held in a home, community clubhouse, park or restaurant, or on a boat to scatter cremated remains

What’s involved in a memorial service?

  • Eulogy - A reflection on the history and legacy of your loved one by clergy, family or friends.
  • Scripture/poem/sacred writing - Your loved one may have had a favorite selection, or you can let your clergyperson decide.
  • Music - Consider background music or a special solo, recorded or live music, traditional or contemporary. You may also choose to have no music.
  • Photos/mementos - You may want to assemble a collage of old photos or display mementos that celebrate your loved one’s life.
  • Flowers - You may want a floral arrangement or plant to honor your loved one.
  • Charitable donations - In lieu of flowers you may choose to donate to a charity in memory of your loved one.

Common grief responses

Although the mourning process is individual, there are some common grief responses. Grief reactions can be expressed through emotions, thought patterns, physical sensations and behaviors. The information below may help you in talking to, and seeking support from, others about what you are experiencing.

Emotions

  • Shock and numbness are commonly experienced early in the grieving process and can serve as a protective mechanism to keep us from feeling overwhelmed by a flood of feelings.
  • Sadness is the most familiar reaction to grief and may last for weeks, months and in the ensuing years when memories of your loved one are reflected upon — even when you least expect it. It may be accompanied by unpredictable crying.
  • Irritability and anger, feeling “on edge,” may stem from your sadness and possibly frustrations (e.g. feelings that you couldn’t prevent the death or that the person “abandoned” you). When one feels under duress it is common to displace anger onto another target such as family members or friends, paramedics or other health care personnel. Anger can also be turned inward toward ourselves. It may develop into maladaptive behavior and cause harm if prolonged.
  • Guilt is a very common symptom of bereavement (particularly in the case of a suicide) or feeling as if you did not respond to a crisis in a manner you desired. Often this reaction is not realistic and will lessen with the passage of time.
  • Anxiety sometimes is felt when our way of looking at the world is shattered by our loss. This can range from a slight sense of insecurity to a strong sense of panic. The sources of anxiety are many and may stem from a fear that we won’t be able to take care of ourselves, or from a heightened sense of our own mortality.
  • Loneliness is a common problem for surviving spouses or other close day-to-day relationships. It may be intense if one had an extremely close or even a conflictual relationship with the deceased. 
  • Fatigue underscores that grief can be emotionally exhausting. This reaction may be more surprising and distressing to an active person.
  • Helplessness is heightened in the stress of bereavement by the fact that there is nothing we can do to reverse the death. Also, your loved one may have handled routine affairs that you now have to learn to negotiate.
  • Yearning for or missing the deceased is a normal response to loss and, as it diminishes, it may be a sign that you are adjusting to this loss and healing.
  • Emancipation and relief are positive feelings that may come after a death, particularly following a prolonged and debilitating illness — feeling relief that one no longer has to function as a caregiver or in cases where there was a difficult or highly-conflicted relationship. Often these may be accompanied by a sense of guilt.

Thought patterns

  • Disbelief is often our first thought upon hearing of a death, not only in the event that a death is sudden or unexpected.
  • Confusion manifests as having trouble concentrating, being forgetful, disorganized, distracted, having misconceptions and impaired judgment.
  • Preoccupation if one spends lots of time thinking about the deceased or obsessing about their suffering and dying; one may feel the need to tell the story of the death over and over again.
  • Sense of the deceased’s presence is most likely to happen shortly after the death and this may be experienced as hearing a voice, feeling a touch, smelling a fragrance, visual experiences, visions, twilight experiences.
  • Hallucinations are a common and normal symptom of bereavement, to see or hear a loved one, usually within a few weeks after the death.

Physical sensations

  • Tightness in the forehead, throat or chest, headaches
  • Dry mouth
  • Breathlessness
  • Nausea and/or a hollow feeling in the stomach
  • Hypersensitivity to noise or a heightened startle response
  • Lack of energy, weakness
  • Sense of depersonalization such as “feels like a movie” or things seem unreal or hazy

Behaviors

  • Sleep disturbances are a very common reaction to grief. They may sometimes require medical intervention, but in normal grief they usually correct themselves. Difficulty sleeping/resting could be related to anxiety or an overactive/worried mind. One may escape through sleep to avoid dealing with the reality of a seemingly unbearable situation. Additionally, sleep disturbances can sometimes symbolize various fears, such as the fear of dreaming, the fear of being in bed alone and the fear of not awakening.
  • Appetite disturbances can be characterized as a loss of appetite or increased appetite. While both are common, loss of appetite is more prevalent.
  • Absent-minded behavior can be dangerous if, for example, we are not paying attention while crossing the street or driving.
  • Social withdrawal is usually short-lived and corrects itself as the intensity of the grief diminishes. It can also include a loss of interest in the outside world, such as giving up TV and newspapers.
  • Dreams of the deceased, including both positive dreams and nightmares, are common and can give clues as to our progress in our course of mourning.
  • Avoiding reminders of the deceased by staying away from places or things that trigger painful feelings of grief, even if these previously brought on feelings of happiness. Talk with family and friends to determine when might be a good time to address the belongings your loved one has left behind.
  • Visiting places or carrying objects that remind us of the deceased may result from an underlying fear of losing memories of your loved one.
  • Crying is normal and onset can be unpredictable and vary in intensity. You may be holding a mundane conversation one minute and crying the next. There is potential healing value in crying because our tears release mood altering chemicals.

The journey toward healing

There is not a prescribed reaction to the death of a loved one — no right or wrong response. What you experience following this loss may depend on many factors, including:

  • Age and developmental stage
  • Your relationship with the deceased 
  • Cultural, ethnic or religious background
  • Support an individual as available
  • The circumstances surrounding the death
  • Whether it was sudden or unexpected
  • Whether your loved one was chronically or terminally ill
  • Community attitudes about the type of loss
  • Experience with prior loss
  • The role(s) he or she played in your life
  • Other outstanding stressors and concerns

As you review this information, if you find you or someone you care for is experiencing symptoms you are uncertain about or seem prolonged (particularly physical complaints), it is important for you to check with your physician and not assume they are solely related to the loss you are experiencing.


While the reactions above are normal, you may find yourself leaning toward behaviors that are harmful to yourself or others in dealing with these uncomfortable feelings. Potentially harmful grief reactions may include an increased use of drugs or alcohol, overeating, undernourishment, an inability to get out of bed, lashing out, etc. For any behaviors such as these, it is beneficial to see a physician or mental health professional for assessment and guidance.


With the passage of time, keep in mind that grief will lessen, but it doesn’t have a definitive end point after a loved one’s death — there is no time limit. Reminders may bring back the pain of loss, even years later. For instance, feelings of grief may return on the anniversary of your loved one’s death, on birthdays, holidays or other special days throughout the year. The return of these feelings (sometimes called an anniversary reaction) is not necessarily a setback in the grieving process. Though these reactions may feel painful at times, they are positive reflections that your loved one’s life was important to you. There are resources available to assist you and your family with special days and holidays.


It is helpful to acknowledge we cannot control all things that happen to us, but we can control how we choose to respond. To continue on the path toward healing, learn what to expect and how to cope with reminders of your loss. Many find individual counseling, bereavement support groups or support from clergy helpful following the loss of a loved one.


Whether you seek assistance in the coming weeks or months, the timing is up to you. Supportive resources can help you express your pain in healthy ways, grieve constructively, learn to tell people what you need and find ways to deal with your grief. Supportive resources are available, or you may call the hospital where your loved one was cared for and ask for a social worker or chaplain to discuss your individual needs.

Helping children through loss

Young children working through loss respond differently than adults. Sensitivity to both their emotions and their perspective is important.

Talking with children

  • Abstract concepts like death can be difficult for children to understand.
  • Explain death simply and honestly while using clear, age-appropriate language.
  • Sometimes it helps to simply ask them what they think death is.
  • Don’t be afraid to say someone they love has died.
  • Sharing your own emotions can be helpful.
  • Let children know you’re sad and give them permission to cry with you.
  • Relate the loss to something they are familiar with, perhaps the death of a pet.
  • You can also talk about things the child has already experienced or noticed (i.e. their family members crying, looking sad or worried).
  • Encourage children to talk honestly and openly about their feelings and concerns while supporting their expressions of emotion.


Terms to avoid

  • Refrain from using phrases like “gone to sleep,” as children may think they will die if they go to sleep.
  • Be careful with statements like “good people are taken to heaven,” as children may believe they will die if they are good.

Supporting children in grief

  • Children may have short attention spans — grieving one minute and playing the next.
  • Include children when gathering mementos and pictures of the loved one and in retelling your loved one’s story.
  • Tell children what to expect at the funeral and encourage them to ask questions.
  • You may also want to give them the option of not going to the funeral.
  • Inform the child’s school of their recent loss. This will help their teachers understand any changes in mood or behavior. Additionally, teachers and the school counselor can be resources of support.

How children understand death

  • Birth to 3 - At a few months, children may not have any comprehension of death but will sense their parents’ stress. A child at the age of 2 may speak of a deceased animal or person as “no more” or “gone,” revealing the beginning of an understanding of the separation and loss associated with death.
  • 3 to 4 - Children at this age fear separation but think of it as temporary. During play, they may pretend some living thing has died and then bring them back to life. They need to be taught that the body stopped working and won’t start again. Children at this age may also be alarmed by their parents’ grief. They can be told something like: “mommy and daddy are sad right now because we miss our loved one, but we are going to be OK.” Young children often express emotions through play with dolls, toys or art.
  • 4 to 6 - Children at this age may wonder why people have to die. They may still have a hard time understanding death and may have incorrect ideas. For example, they may think their angry thoughts or jealous feelings may have caused their loved one’s death. In the child’s magical world, wishes and desires can make things happen. They need reassurance that they did nothing to cause their loved one to die.
  • 6 to 9 - At this age, children may still think the loved one can come back. Or, if they have been taught to believe in heaven and life after death, they may wonder why they can’t go there and visit and then come back. As children approach age 9, they tend to ask more questions about life and death.
  • 9 to 12 - These children can understand that life always ends in death and that death may come earlier than expected. As children approach adolescence, they will want to share their feelings with others and will have many questions. This age group often expresses grief through journal writing or poetry.
  • Adolescence - By age 12, children can understand death as well as an adult, but they are preoccupied with the present, with their relationships with their peers and with their own identity. The death of a loved one may bring deep emotional reactions which the adolescent may not understand, and they may need support.

Supportive resources

Scripps provides the following information and resources to help you during this difficult time; we make no representation regarding the services provided by a non-Scripps agency. This information has been provided for your reference and convenience.

Bereavement resources

Many hospices, churches and senior centers offer bereavement support groups and other resources. The Scripps hospital social worker or chaplain could give you more information on local resources. The organizations below provide support in various locations in San Diego County.

  • 211sandiego.org is a county-wide service that provides information and referrals to many agencies and groups for a wide variety of needs. If you search for “grief,” many helpful resources are listed. Similar information is available at the San Diego Access and Crisis Line, 888-724-7240
  • Compassionate Friends of San Diego gives support to parents and other relatives after the death of a child. They have local meetings, online groups and other resources and referral information. CompassionateFriends.org or 619-583-1555
  • Survivors of Suicide Loss, soslsd.org or 619-482-0297
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 800-273-8255

Other informational resources